Holy Halftime, Batman!
by Guardian Erin
Summary: A cracky dialogue fic in which Angel and Spike have a bet over the Superbowl, and costumed mayhem ensues.


**Holy Halftime, Batman!**

* * *

><p>"Spike, what are you doing in my office?"<p>

"Certainly not trying to staple beer cans to your chair."

"Get out."

"No! I came here in the first place to find you."

"Congratulations, you found me. What do you want?"

"Tsh! Someone's in a grumpy mood."

"You were in my office uninvited, trying to staple things to my chair!"

"I said I _wasn't_ stapling beer cans to your chair. How would I even staple a- Look, I was wondering if I could crash at your flat on Sunday night."

"Why?"

"Why? Because you've got the flat screen the size of a wall, that's why."

"I still don't get it... You've got your own TV, why do you want to come over on Sunday?"

"You're kidding, right? No, of course you're not. You're socially deaf and blind, eh? Don't give me that look! I'm just amazed. I mean, I know you live under a rock but how can you not know that Superbowl Sunday is coming up?"

"It is? Oh. That explains a few things."

"Right, so Sunday...?"

"Since when do you even like American football?"

"It's the Superbowl. There's a big difference."

"They play football, right? What's the difference?"

"Christ, Angel. Have you never watched a Superbowl before?"

"I sorta did once. I've seen some games before. To be honest, I don't really understand it."

"What's to understand? You've got men on a field beating each other up. But the Superbowl is on an entirely different level. If I had to guess I'd say that probably eighty-five thousand percent of the viewers only watch the Superbowl for the commercials and half time. It's much more than a game. It's an enormous social event. And I've got money on it."

"I know that much, I've just never seen the point to it, I guess."

"Sunday night, me and you. Order some hotwings and pizza and I'll bring the chips and beer. We'll make a go of it. Who do you think's gonna win?"

"Who's playing?"

"Greenbay Packers and Pittsburg Steelers."

"Steelers."

"You're kidding me."

"What?"

"Nothing, just that Packers are going to wreck them."

"I don't think so. If you're rooting for the Packers then I'm definitely going for the other team, even if they wear tutus. You have terrible choices in sport."

"Terrible? The Packers are the best team."

"No. You can't be a good team when your only mascot is a shirtless guy wearing body paint with a wedge of cheese on his head."

"You wanna bet on it?"

"I'm the one who gives you spending money – why would I want a twenty buck wager?"

"We'll wager something else. The loser has to do something for the other."

"Okay. _When_ you lose, you have to give me foot massages for a week. Oh, and you can't talk."

"Cocky git! Alright, then. Well, when _I_ win, you have to dress up as Batman and go fight crime."

"Yeah, that's never gonna happen."

"Angel, you lost. Get your fat arse into that costume or I'm going to bite you again."

"This is ridiculous, Spike."

"Come out and let me see."

"I'm not coming out! Can't I just... I'll do something else."

"No chance in hell. It was a fair bet."

"It's... it's these tights! You don't even understand."

"Don't complain to me about tights."

"Spike... Spike, why are you dressed up like Robin?"

"We're going to go fight crime, aren't we?"

"I'm not nearly drunk enough for this."

"Shut up and put on your mask. You don't want anyone to know your secret identity."

"This is ridiculous, Spike. Wesley's going to see me and he's going to get me a shrink."

"That's not my issue. There, you look like a right Dark Avenger now!"

"And no one is going to be fooled by your skimpy mask. Anyone in the office would know it's you because of your hair. Except you don't care, do you?"

"No one's gonna see. We're going to go grab one of your shiny black penismobiles and go wail on some criminals. I've been working on my catchphrase and everything."

"And there'll be at least fifty pictures of us by the end of the night, and Wesley will find them and no one will be fooled."

"You never let yourself have any fun, you know that?"

"I hate you. Let's get this over with."

"Wait, you're missing something crucial. Your utility belt."

"Is this... are these actual gadgets in here?"

"Duh, we're fighting crime. What kind of Batman wouldn't have a handy utility belt?"

"Grapling hook?"

"Yep, and check this out... Oops."

"What did you do?"

"Just accidentally got one of the smoke bombs, obviously! Why else would your crotch be spewing smoke?"

"Make it stop!"

"It won't stop."

"It's going to set off the fire alarm!"

"No it won't, it just- Holy foreshadowing, Batman!"

"Time to leave. Go. Gogogogogo!"

"Quick, to the Batcave!"

"This is the closet."

"Don't break character."


End file.
